John, how could you?
by HarbingerAmalgam
Summary: The air in L.A... Nobody could stand it for that long-not after what I've been through. At first I just needed to get out of the house; "Go down to Mexico," I thought, "Have a little fun," but then... There was no question where I had to go next...


It was cold that day-colder than the darkness inside my heart.

"4 years..." I thought to myself, "...A lifetime."

I prayed at the St. John Cathedral on the east side that morning. I'm not a praying man-nor a catholic, for that matter, but I had a wish too great to resist: come back.

As I walked I worried he could smell my stress even before I came to his house-it's not like that mattered, though, I had a massive pool of worries; what's one more? There was excitement too, of course-at least, there would've been if I didn't know John. Kicking the dirt of my shoes I hesitated and held my fist an inch from the wood, but I knew. It needed to be done.

* _Knock-knock-* "Hold on!"_

I fell backwards over the welcome mat. It was the first time I've heard his voice in years, and... something about the tone, it broke my spirit.

" _This is insane!"_ I whispered to myself, turning heel at the knob and clawing up off the front stoop. I flailed for a good grip on the handrails and hoisted my girth off the wet concrete and scuttled down the steps off his house. When I nearly reached the bottom, my heart stopped.

"Arin?"

Time was still in that moment. My jaw muscles locked in crushing agony and my legs gave into the weak numbness I've been growing ever since I set foot in this stupid town; I froze steadily with my back to the door.

"Arin? Arin, is that you!? _Oh my God,_ what are you doing here!?"

It took every ounce of strength I had and then some not to break down crying, but I managed to turn and face him nonetheless. As I ventilated in and out I felt my vocal cords moving on their own, forcing some words to dribble out on their own, "...H-hi, John."

"Arin! What's going on-it been years! C'mon, let's go inside!" he said heading back inside, then poking his head back out for insurance, " _C'mon!_ "

I shakily sat on his torn love-seat and put my hand over my mouth to cough, only I wasn't coughing, I was wiping off old tears.

"How ya been, man? The show's going great!" he said happily-he was always so happy.

"Oh... Nothing new, y'know? Me and the guys-and Suzy, we're all the same..."

" _The same!?_ Are you kidding!? You guy's have turned into fucking monsters since I left-it's like you couldn't wait to get rid of me!"

"...I..."

"Seriously, dude, what's up?"

I choked up, mouthing the words but making no sound. John was still oblivious.

"What brings you to New York? Is there a con I don't know about?"

"...John... I..."

"Oh, dude! I gotta show you this fuckin' _classic_ I discovered a while ago, I was gonna make a video on-"

"John, you're a father."

The smile hadn't left his face, but the happiness was long gone.

"...W-what did you say?"

"You have a son, John..."

"Ha, hahahahaha, that's a good one, dude! I leave for 4 years and this is what you say to me!? Fuckin' dope, man!"

"I'm not joking, John." My strength couldn't hold out any longer; the water clouded my eyes as I whimpered the rest of the thought, " _We have a son_..."

I slinked out of the chair and faced the wall so he couldn't see my face, or, more likely, so I couldn't see his. He earned the respect to see my face for what I had to say next; I turned for as long as I could before wincing again, " _Do y-you remember Sonic '06, buddy?"_

His voice was higher-higher and slower-as though he was focused on something other than his words, "Y-yeah, of course I remember, buddy. 109 episodes... I-"

"Do you remember what happened after?"

"-I... W-well, yeah! We went out, got wasted, had a great time-Arin, what the fuck did you just say!? Did you say I'm a father!?"

He was angry-he knew about that part of himself he didn't want the rest of the world to see. Even if he didn't know he knew, he knew.

"That's not all that happened..." I huffed another breath, getting less and less words out of every one.

"Arin, what the fuck are you talking about!? What's wrong with you, Arin!? Talk to me!"

"We came back to the studio after that-*sniff,* *huff*-we came back... and..."

"I don't remember what happened, what the fuck does that have to do with anything!?"

"You were really drunk and I was-I was drunk-*huff*-but we sat down and you said you wanted to make a video..." a video-just like we always did, "You turned on the camera, everything was going great, we played some Pepsi Man, it was the-*huff*-it was the greatest video we ever made-"

"Arin, you're fuckin' insane! Get a grip, man!"

"-but then there was a lull in the action. It was dead silent... You wanted to keep it going; you tried telling a story, jokes, shit, but you wanted something more-something amazing-"

"Arin, fuckin' takin' you to the hospital if you-"

"-We had sex, John!"

His eyes fell out of his skull. I winced away from him and leaned on the counter for support, taking him out of my view.

"We fucked right there! On camera, us, fucking! We-we didn't use a condom, it was-it was fuckin' incredible! It was art! It was beautiful! We-we got the whole thing on tape a-and-and-and we... I got pregnant..." I closed my eyes and pretended I wasn't a douche-there was... no way I could keep them open. " _Our_ daughter, John! I... had the baby! You were leaving and I knew that-I knew you were gonna go and I-I just had to hide it-like I-I put on-on the weight and-" but I was interrupted, "- _what!? What the!?-"_ I felt movement across the small of my back-animalistic, I thought. It felt like a dog scratching around for a treat, but I couldn't even turn before I felt an intense wave coming over me. The heat emanating of my forehead could almost be seen distorting the air in front of my eyes. It was... distracting. It took a good few seconds for me to collect my mind and come back to reality, and when I did I immediately shouted in horror, " _What the fuck!?"_


End file.
